Live Loved

Sitting in the small dimly lit eye exam room another post traumatic gift arrived.  Dr H seemed warm and welcoming from the start.   He introduced himself as Stephen.  As he shook my hand, his eyes cast a calmness out to my soul.  In between the various eye tests, he asked questions about my condition and what I had been through.     I’ve become accustomed to people asking me questions since the accident.  I guess the cast jetting out in front of my wheelchair invites conversations.   Many begin with joke: “Did you kick somebody?”   My come back, “I was hit by a truck.” catches them off guard. Usually their shock is followed by signs of concern.  Then, well apparently questions are like Lays potato chips.  No one can ask just one.  Me, not known for short answers, I respond with stories.  Oddly, it doesn’t deter people from asking more questions.     Fielding Dr H’s questions, I cli...

My first post consisted of what I would have written had I been able to write five weeks after the accident. It told of the amazement that filled my days; the spectacle of a healing body and the beauty of strangers, family and friends praying and caring. thankfully the care has continued. Nevertheless, the honeymoon of my recovery is behind me. I am eager to share what came after the honeymoon. Now I get to demonstrate my faith and ability to sustain a long term recovery process. As my brother chronicled, the streak of victories eventually became punctuated by disappointment and losses resurfacing. I had developed unrealistic expectations from consistently hearing superlatives about how well I was doing. I imagined that the pain and hardship would soon behind me. I appreciate how denial has it’s purpose. There is no way to instantly integrate and get over trauma and major loss. I was “choosing” to not consider the harder parts. At two months, the bandages were pealed ...

There has been an online conversation about me for two months. Until recently I was silent. It was not humility nor restraint that kept me quiet. Aphasia caused by a head injury was responsible. In the first days, a head injury blocked me from speaking. Soon garbled words came and then a few clear ones.  Weeks later in rehab, I was diagnosed with mild anomic aphasia.  My speech therapist pleased with my cognition said it suggest an excellent prognosis.  My speech and communication have now come a long way!  Though far from healed, my speech is generally understandable.   The journey from near death into rehabilitation has been wonderous!  Beginning with a state of shock and grief at the harm sustained by my body, I came to cherish most every little bit of healing.  Recovery rocks! In Rehab I enjoyed daily gains that kept me excited and enthusiastic.  I also seemed to have the homefield advantage, a cheering section of a hospital...

"Grant us Peace, thy most precious gift, oh eternal source of peace." ..., And she did. ... With great trembling, I stepped forward and faced new challenges, ones that took me to my limit and beyond. It has seemed to me that to keep my integrity, I needed to walk alone. In the past year I found myself facing more and more challenges alone. I could and did draw on the support of colleagues, friends and family. Without them, I'd don't know where I'd be.  At the end of the day, however, it's me taking inventory of the day.  Okay add G*d.  Alone and not alone. Days passed from the conflict. With support and time I noticed that I was still breathing.  I came to acceptance. Today I abide with joy in my heart. Tomorrow or next time I'm daunted, please remind me of what we've come through together. Remind me of a love that is greater than anything we face. Remind me that love is here for us.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4F1oY6xZcc