After the Honeymoon

My first post consisted of what I would have written had I been able to write five weeks after the accident. It told of the amazement that filled my days; the spectacle of a healing body and the beauty of strangers, family and friends praying and caring.
thankfully the care has continued. Nevertheless, the honeymoon of my recovery is behind me. I am eager to share what came after the honeymoon. Now I get to demonstrate my faith and ability to sustain a long term recovery process.
As my brother chronicled, the streak of victories eventually became punctuated by disappointment and losses resurfacing. I had developed unrealistic expectations from consistently hearing superlatives about how well I was doing. I imagined that the pain and hardship would soon behind me. I appreciate how denial has it’s purpose. There is no way to instantly integrate and get over trauma and major loss. I was “choosing” to not consider the harder parts.
At two months, the bandages were pealed back, the splint was removed and a shriveled, malformed, blood and mercurochrome stained leg was revealed. The x-rays showed still broken bones. Initial gains in the use of my arm led to set backs. Pain levels remained high, and difficulty sleeping persisted. Sometimes aphasia strongly asserted its place. Lastly, the business of living insisted that it couldn’t be put off indefinitely. My energy and spirit sank from long held peaks.
Attitude is everything. I remain connected to abundant reasons for gratitude. Although no longer in euphoria, I've not gone to hell. I have simply entered the next stage of this journey. It’s time to double down on my discipline and practices that will keep me moving forward. Those x-rays were another wake up call. I recognized that changes were necessary. I soon made up mind that I would do whatever healing would require.
My mother taught me to count my blessings: people who support and encourage me are at the top of the list. This accident has led friends from many years past to speak up. I regret that I have not found a way to personally thank and communicate with each of you. If you ever imagined that you were dear to me, and that I cherished our friendship, trust that I still do. If that sounds sappy to you, I offer no apology. I promise when it comes your turn to brush your mortality, you will know what I mean.
I know you get busy too. Whether or not you read every post, thank you for your companionship on this journey!

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